Rita Rudner Celeb Quotes, Celebrity Quotes, Celebrity Quotes, Celebrity Quotations, Inspirational Quotes
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Rita Rudner Quotes / Quotations

A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


It wasn't that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."
Quotation of Rita Rudner


We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Quotation of Rita Rudner


Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
Quotation of Rita Rudner


 
 
Rita Rudner Events

NikkI Beach Club Las Vegas Grand Opening White Party at the Tropicana Las Vegas on May 26, 2011

2011-05-26

The Venetian Hotel and Casino welcomes comedienne Rita Rudner to her new home

2011-01-11

2011 Palm Springs International Film Festival Awards Gala Presented by Cartier held at the Palm Springs Convention Center

2011-01-08

Opening night of 'Matt Goss Live From Caesars Palace' at Caesars Palace Resort Casino

2010-03-12

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