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Henry Youngman QUOTES / QUOTATIONS
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
I've got all the money I'll ever need if I die by four o'clock this afternoon.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City?
Quotation of Henry Youngman
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
Take my wife ... Please!
Quotation of Henry Youngman
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
Quotation of Henry Youngman
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
Quotation of Henry Youngman