W C Fields quotes, quotations, poems, phrases, words
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W C Fields QUOTES / QUOTATIONS
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
Quotation of W C Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
Quotation of W C Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
Quotation of W C Fields
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Quotation of W C Fields
All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
Quotation of W C Fields
Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
Quotation of W C Fields
Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
Quotation of W C Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
Quotation of W C Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
Quotation of W C Fields
Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
Quotation of W C Fields
Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
Quotation of W C Fields
Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
Quotation of W C Fields
Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
Quotation of W C Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Quotation of W C Fields
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
Quotation of W C Fields
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
Quotation of W C Fields
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
Quotation of W C Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Quotation of W C Fields
I drink therefore I am.
Quotation of W C Fields
I like children - fried.
Quotation of W C Fields
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
Quotation of W C Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
Quotation of W C Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Quotation of W C Fields
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
Quotation of W C Fields
I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
Quotation of W C Fields
I never met a kid I liked.
Quotation of W C Fields
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
Quotation of W C Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
Quotation of W C Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
Quotation of W C Fields
I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
Quotation of W C Fields
I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
Quotation of W C Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
Quotation of W C Fields
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
Quotation of W C Fields
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
Quotation of W C Fields
If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.
Quotation of W C Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
Quotation of W C Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
Quotation of W C Fields
It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
Quotation of W C Fields
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
Quotation of W C Fields
Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
Quotation of W C Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
Quotation of W C Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
Quotation of W C Fields
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
Quotation of W C Fields
Never give a sucker an even break.
Quotation of W C Fields
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
Quotation of W C Fields
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
Quotation of W C Fields
Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
Quotation of W C Fields
On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
Quotation of W C Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
Quotation of W C Fields
Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
Quotation of W C Fields
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
Quotation of W C Fields
Roomservice, Roomservice, don't send up any more ice.
Quotation of W C Fields
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
Quotation of W C Fields
Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
Quotation of W C Fields
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
Quotation of W C Fields
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
Quotation of W C Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
Quotation of W C Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
Quotation of W C Fields
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
Quotation of W C Fields
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
Quotation of W C Fields
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
Quotation of W C Fields
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
Quotation of W C Fields
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
Quotation of W C Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
Quotation of W C Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
Quotation of W C Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
Quotation of W C Fields
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
Quotation of W C Fields
You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
Quotation of W C Fields